Alright so after the tumulte of a ridiculously brutal breakup I think I'm about ready to get out of my parents home and into my own apartment either on my own or with somebody to split the rent. Its not that I don't appreciate being able to still live at home, I mean jeez when I think about it I really don't have to pay for anything except car and phone stuff. Food has always just been provided for me same with most other things, but I feel like its about time that I move on with my life.
I feel like theres a part of me that is ready to just grow up and take on the world, I think I'm ready, but i don't know if everybody else believes in me and I suppose thats the reason I want to go out on my own. So that I can prove to them but also to myself that I can do this and that I don't need to keep being supported by my family for the rest of my life.
The only thing that really puts a damper on this plan is that I'm not sure if the job I have right now will be enough financially to get me out and into a half way decent place and be able to support my living requirements such as you know food and heat and all those good things and that kinda worries me...But I suppose with proper budgeting and planning that it could certainly be possible, I should definitely look into that more, all talk and no action you know, always sounds easier said but then when it comes to the doing part, thats where it gets hard and scary!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Break up Dynamic
Okay...so my girlfriend broke up with me on monday...what a way to start the week huh, been hell, no lie, I haven't eaten, i've barely slept and i've definitely missed more school then I ever should have allowed myself to. Everything has suffered and it feels like the end of the world, yes cliche as it sounds thats how I feel. I know too many would say oh well then she just wasn't good for you and that there is somebody else out there for you. That might be true but being that I was the one who drove us apart it kills me even more. For those of you who are nosey or what have you I did not cheat on her, I have problems with communication and wouldn't tell her much and would push her away when I got frustrated with life and would start pointless and stupid fights with her for no reason because I figured she would be there all the time...and now shes not...my stupid ability to not swallow my pride and be a better person pushed her away. For those of you who are also wondering I still love her and am going to fight until the end to get her back...so kinda like one of those dumb love movies, I still have faith.
But, I guess what I really wanted to talk about was the kind of people that seem to resurface in your life after you or your significant other decides a relationship has come to an end. This past week I've never felt so appreciated by all my friends and family and all the kind words that were said to me. A girl in my religion class whom I've hardly talked to tried very hard to help cheer me up the day after which was great. Friends at school and near home all seemed to rally around me and try to pick me up when I was as far down as I could possibly go. One guy in particular helped me in more ways then one and I can never explain in words what it meant to me.
But those aren't the ones I'm referring to, its amazing the moment that trouble comes into your life that the undesirables in your life seem to sense your anguish and latch onto it like a leech ready to such out every drop of blood...disgusting reference yes but hey whatcha gonna do...anyway, this week I got texts, facebook chat/messages, calls...from people I haven't talked to in years, many of them who I never wanted to talk to again! Ex's and friends who you just grow apart from and never really talk to about anything anymore. Everybody always has to make a comment about a break up, like some neon sign that says "TWO CENTS WORTH PLEASE" I don't know if it made me angry or just shocked...
Even though I know its been an extremely long and brutal week, I know the ones to come aren't going to be easy...just gotta remember, hope, and keep telling myself that good things are coming, and I just gotta stay strong until then.
But, I guess what I really wanted to talk about was the kind of people that seem to resurface in your life after you or your significant other decides a relationship has come to an end. This past week I've never felt so appreciated by all my friends and family and all the kind words that were said to me. A girl in my religion class whom I've hardly talked to tried very hard to help cheer me up the day after which was great. Friends at school and near home all seemed to rally around me and try to pick me up when I was as far down as I could possibly go. One guy in particular helped me in more ways then one and I can never explain in words what it meant to me.
But those aren't the ones I'm referring to, its amazing the moment that trouble comes into your life that the undesirables in your life seem to sense your anguish and latch onto it like a leech ready to such out every drop of blood...disgusting reference yes but hey whatcha gonna do...anyway, this week I got texts, facebook chat/messages, calls...from people I haven't talked to in years, many of them who I never wanted to talk to again! Ex's and friends who you just grow apart from and never really talk to about anything anymore. Everybody always has to make a comment about a break up, like some neon sign that says "TWO CENTS WORTH PLEASE" I don't know if it made me angry or just shocked...
Even though I know its been an extremely long and brutal week, I know the ones to come aren't going to be easy...just gotta remember, hope, and keep telling myself that good things are coming, and I just gotta stay strong until then.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Life is Stressfullllll
Nothing like another Sunday and another blog post that needs to be done, in all honesty I'm super relieved that I have yet to forget about it so hears hoping/knocking on wood that I'm not going to forget and keep cranking these bad boys out on a weekly basis! But anyhow, I'm sooo stressed out from everything going on in my life right now. My job, school work, relationship, just everything keeps piling up and when one thing goes badly everything else in my life is affected by it too.
Last Friday, as in like a week and a few days ago; not two days ago Friday, I took a math exam, being that I am not that good at math in the least and after leaving class I was extremely bummed out about not really knowing anything and already knowing that I was going to end up getting a bad grade. Well my girlfriend could tell I was upset about it and tried showing me how much she cared and was there for me but I just wasn't in the cheering up mood. So the weekend continues on and Monday rolls around and I get back my test and low and behold a shitty score, just as a I thought. Well that really spiralled me down the depression hole.
Since that day my girlfriend and I have been fighting really badly and its killing me...we've had our ups and downs but this was a really low down and its all my fault...of course after I realized what I was doing and tried to stop taking my frustration out on her as cliche as it sounds it was too late and we are at an extreme distance now. I've tried warming back up to her but she seems cold and much quieter towards me then ever which really bothers me. I guess its dumb that I should just expect her to be okay now that I am is really stupid on my part...Just wish there was more I could do but I hardly get to see her anymore through both our overwhelming schedules so its just hard.
From there work is affected because I stop sleeping when I'm super stressed so early days are made to seem even earlier and longer when your running on zero sleep. I drag through the whole day doing my routines at work physically being there but mentally being miles away from it all. So if anybody knows a secret to life so that it doesn't get overwhelming and super stressful please by all means fill me in cuz right now I most certainly need to know it!
Last Friday, as in like a week and a few days ago; not two days ago Friday, I took a math exam, being that I am not that good at math in the least and after leaving class I was extremely bummed out about not really knowing anything and already knowing that I was going to end up getting a bad grade. Well my girlfriend could tell I was upset about it and tried showing me how much she cared and was there for me but I just wasn't in the cheering up mood. So the weekend continues on and Monday rolls around and I get back my test and low and behold a shitty score, just as a I thought. Well that really spiralled me down the depression hole.
Since that day my girlfriend and I have been fighting really badly and its killing me...we've had our ups and downs but this was a really low down and its all my fault...of course after I realized what I was doing and tried to stop taking my frustration out on her as cliche as it sounds it was too late and we are at an extreme distance now. I've tried warming back up to her but she seems cold and much quieter towards me then ever which really bothers me. I guess its dumb that I should just expect her to be okay now that I am is really stupid on my part...Just wish there was more I could do but I hardly get to see her anymore through both our overwhelming schedules so its just hard.
From there work is affected because I stop sleeping when I'm super stressed so early days are made to seem even earlier and longer when your running on zero sleep. I drag through the whole day doing my routines at work physically being there but mentally being miles away from it all. So if anybody knows a secret to life so that it doesn't get overwhelming and super stressful please by all means fill me in cuz right now I most certainly need to know it!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Blogging
Okay, so for once I'm actually too tired to come up with any legitimate thing to complain about. I just got home from working a 12 hour day and am soooo exhausted that my brain is scrabbling for topics to write about or to think of things to complain about but it just can't come up with anything that really allows me to argue across a point. I feel like theres only so many things that are interesting enough to go on and on about. Tonight isn't a night that allows for much.
I guess its a pretty big day today though considerring the Brewers were playing the Cardinals I believe and the Packers had a game tonight too, so thankfully due to that Target really wasn't all that busy with people coming in and shopping, but the backroom was so screwed up from the entire week that is wasn't hard to find myself having to do a zillion and a half things to do. Two of the higher ups quit recently, our store manager, and the stockroom manager are both no longer there. The new store manager starts tomorrow and so everybody was freaking out wanting to get the store all super clean to try and impress this guy tomorrow. Personally I didn't see why that meant that I had to stay four hours extra to clean up crap and put things away just so that for one day the new boss doesn't think the management is useless. Surprise folks, he's gonna find out that the majority of the people who work there don't do the shit they are supposed to anyhow so your only prolonging the inevitable.
So after working forever today I got home and realized my room is a mess too. I recently bought a desktop, monitor, and speakers, and I guess i should mention a keyboard as well and the boxes for all that stuff are still piled in a corner, I have a closet FULL of dirty clothes waiting to be washed, a basket of them waiting to be hung up, and just over all pointless and trivial things waiting to be put away like DVD cases and Xbox games and the like...and a pair of socks laying in the corner...they bother me something aweful fierce right now...I'm not sure how they got all the way over there but they sure got another thing coming if they think they aren't gonna me rounded up like the rest of my clothes and taken away to be cleaned
I guess its a pretty big day today though considerring the Brewers were playing the Cardinals I believe and the Packers had a game tonight too, so thankfully due to that Target really wasn't all that busy with people coming in and shopping, but the backroom was so screwed up from the entire week that is wasn't hard to find myself having to do a zillion and a half things to do. Two of the higher ups quit recently, our store manager, and the stockroom manager are both no longer there. The new store manager starts tomorrow and so everybody was freaking out wanting to get the store all super clean to try and impress this guy tomorrow. Personally I didn't see why that meant that I had to stay four hours extra to clean up crap and put things away just so that for one day the new boss doesn't think the management is useless. Surprise folks, he's gonna find out that the majority of the people who work there don't do the shit they are supposed to anyhow so your only prolonging the inevitable.
So after working forever today I got home and realized my room is a mess too. I recently bought a desktop, monitor, and speakers, and I guess i should mention a keyboard as well and the boxes for all that stuff are still piled in a corner, I have a closet FULL of dirty clothes waiting to be washed, a basket of them waiting to be hung up, and just over all pointless and trivial things waiting to be put away like DVD cases and Xbox games and the like...and a pair of socks laying in the corner...they bother me something aweful fierce right now...I'm not sure how they got all the way over there but they sure got another thing coming if they think they aren't gonna me rounded up like the rest of my clothes and taken away to be cleaned
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I Need A New Job
Personally I'm not honestly sure what to blog about today, I hate my job, simple as that. I'm tired of the poor management and the idiots who work there, and the fact that nobody does the things they are supposed to do and merely do whatever they want no matter how obnoxious and time consuming it is for somebody else, aka myself to fix.
The management is absolutely terrrible, none of them communicate with eachother and they all do there own thing. They drag you in three different directions at once, you never know which one to listen to and then they get mad when their task isn't completed fast enough or isn't higher on your priority list. They also have such extremely high expectations for your day and of course when things don't get done its never anybody's fault just your inability to finish the things they wanted you to do.
Also people who work there never do the things they are supposed to do. At target in the stockroom we have things that we call 'reds' or 'tubs' basically what they are, is a giant industrial shopping cart with a top and bottem shelf and closed back. There are certain spots that they should go, across the stockroom in front of open shelf ends, and if all of those are taken up then they should go into the stockroom aisles. Well people just leave them wherever they damn well please, in front of doors, aisles, and in major traffic areas to the point where nobody can get past and theres hardly enough room to even squeeze through.
Nobody seems to know what they are doing anywhere in this establishment and I've basically had enough of it and due to this fact have decided that 5 years in this dump are enough and between the people and shitty pay its time to move on to a better job!
The management is absolutely terrrible, none of them communicate with eachother and they all do there own thing. They drag you in three different directions at once, you never know which one to listen to and then they get mad when their task isn't completed fast enough or isn't higher on your priority list. They also have such extremely high expectations for your day and of course when things don't get done its never anybody's fault just your inability to finish the things they wanted you to do.
Also people who work there never do the things they are supposed to do. At target in the stockroom we have things that we call 'reds' or 'tubs' basically what they are, is a giant industrial shopping cart with a top and bottem shelf and closed back. There are certain spots that they should go, across the stockroom in front of open shelf ends, and if all of those are taken up then they should go into the stockroom aisles. Well people just leave them wherever they damn well please, in front of doors, aisles, and in major traffic areas to the point where nobody can get past and theres hardly enough room to even squeeze through.
Nobody seems to know what they are doing anywhere in this establishment and I've basically had enough of it and due to this fact have decided that 5 years in this dump are enough and between the people and shitty pay its time to move on to a better job!
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